Money and Love…

Hello beautiful people I surely hope you are having an amazing day filled with gratitude and love. Today I want to talk about money. Is money that important in a relationship? I for one believe that money enables us to do the things that we so dearly love. In relationships money serves as an extension of our love, it becomes a vehicle of expression. We are able to fully express our love to each other with the abundance of money. To be honest I love the presence of money in my life, I honestly do not see anything bad about it. People think that the love of money in a relationship ruins relationships. And this could be somewhat true because anything done in excess is not good for you, you are supposed to strike a balance in your life. In my past relationships the reason why most of them failed was because of 75% money related issues. Disclaimer: I AM NOT A GOLD-DIGGER! I do not go around looking for the richest person in town in order to chop his money. Nah that’s not me sis!

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The point I am driving here is that when you are in relationship it is important to acknowledge that money is an important issue that may break or make a relationship. Most divorces in the world the causes are financially related because growing up we are not taught to handle money wisely. I am speaking in the African context here. Our parents did not grow up having wise financial knowledge because their parents didn’t know better too. So they passed it down to their children (us)  not knowing the effect it has on our future. Now let’s size it down to relationships, our partners especially men feel that women nowadays should not depend on them entirely financially. A woke woman nowadays is expected to be financially independent in a relationship because well that’s the only way she can hold her own. Men also consider it very attractive if a woman has that specific quality cause I mean who needs to be weighed down by his partner who constantly asks for money?

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My message to all the phenomenal women out there is have your own ladies, make your own money and be able to stand tall in a relationship. In an economy like ours we need to work twice as hard if not thrice in order to make ends meet. When you are earning something you are able to go on trips with your loved one, buy your lover gifts and they are also able to spoil you in that fashion and your relationship flourishes. Some may want to jump in and want to say Missy money is not what makes a relationship flourish. I understand this but I will tell you this money serves as an extension of love, I did not say money is love! Get me right there hanty. In this era I have noticed that most of the women that are being abused are the ones that are not financially independent. It is really sad because men take advantage of the fact that you are not able to get out of an abusive relationship because you are financially dependant on him. They tend to mistreat you because they are feeding you from the palm of their hands and they believe that it is foolish to bite the hand that feeds you.

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Women hear my cry, be financially independent have your own, even if you are bringing a dollar to the table at least you are not entirely dependent on a man. Let us continue to hustle and grind for the betterment of our future. The future is female and the future is now! I urge you to read a phenomenal book called The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles. This book will literally liberate you from the shackles of poverty. One beautiful quote from this book is, “WHATEVER may be said in praise of poverty, the fact remains that it is not possible to live a really complete or successful life unless one is rich. No man can rise to his greatest possible height in talent or soul development unless he has plenty of money; for to unfold the soul and to develop talent he must have many things to use, and he cannot have these things unless he has money to buy them with.”

 

I hope I am leaving you with an eternal flame that will light up your whole being and set your soul on fire to be better and more! Until we converse again may you remain grateful and love everything and everyone you touch💕

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Phenomenal Woman!

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I am so proud to be a Woman especially during a phenomenal time like this when women across Africa and beyond are breaking new grounds. This has to be by far the most exciting time to be crowned a Queen! I am in love with myself, I totally love the way my body is structured, the way my mind is evolving, the way my personality is growing. I am in love with the woman I am becoming, the mother that I am! In a beautiful month like March when women are celebrated and remembered for their unquestionable strength, I am truly honored to be a Woman. I want to take time to appreciate all the women in my life who have moulded me into the woman that I am today. Whether you had positive or negative contributions to my life you are all part of my amazing growth. I am exceptionally humbled by my mother who has defied the odds and managed to raise a beautiful daughter like me. Her words of encouragement remain in my heart forever and I have been blessed to pass them onto my beloved son. This is not a mother’s day post but a post in celebrating the phenomenal women around us. We have been battered, abused, bruised but still like dust we rise! It’s not easy living in a patriarchal African society like ours yet our phenomenal work goes beyond boarders and touches lives in a way unimaginable. We are the backs that have built the very roads you walk on, we are the light at the end of the tunnel, we are the fire in your eyes, that burning desire to be more and more. Above all we are fierce children of God! I am a phenomenal woman a humble work of art, the very blocks that have built the buildings we walk in. It sometimes gets overwhelming for us women as we are now expected to be both superhuman and human. We are human beings that continuously evolve and we are proud to be the hard workers that we are.

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Each day goes by wanting to be better, being better, living better and striving for better! Whatever we touch turns into diamonds we are designed to multiply and enhance everything we touch. We are the alpha care givers we are bold and beautiful! A piece of advice that I can give to my phenomenal sisters is, “Do not I repeat do not be afraid to let your unique light shine with the fear that you might blind others! There is no enlightenment in shrinking ourselves to fit into a box, we are meant to soar and go places ladies. It is A OKAY to have your cup running over it is very much okay to be full of yourself! Walk with your head held high because you yes you deserve the finer things in life!” I am again humbled to be able to tell you phenomenal woman that the world is your oyester don’t be afraid to dream, in fact dream big enormously gigantic dreams because you are all worth it. If you know me you would know that I love reading, one book I can recommend for you to read this month is You are a Badass by J. Sincero. I promise you that book will turn your whole life around. It’s a true badassery book! I love you so much guys and thank you so much for taking time to read my work. It means everything to me to be able to inspire women all over. Before I leave I will leave you with a phenomenal poem from my favorite woman Dr. Maya Angelou…

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

 

Love is…

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Love is in the air this beautiful month of love February. I feel it everywhere I go I feel it in my heart, in my bones, in my mind. It’s such a beautiful feeling feeling loved all the time. I was blessed to be born in this beautiful month and the cherry on top is that my son was also born in this very month. We are three days apart! How glorious is that? Today I wna talk about self love, what it is and how we can benefit immensely from it. What is love? Well love for me has different forms and the best description of love for me is from the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13. For me it clearly describes the essence of love. One thing I have noticed as human beings is that we expect others to do a better job of loving us than ourselves. We go far and beyond in search of love yet it’s something that is already in us. We fail to love ourselves because we are our greatest critics! We label ourselves unworthy of our own love. This is all subconscious mind you, the results of this thought pattern are visible in things like self-condemnation, self-sabotage.

Okay before we go deep into the effects of not loving ourselves let’s look at what the Bible says love is. It says love is patient. Back to us, are you patient with yourself? We tend to be very impatient with ourselves especially when it comes to progressing in life. We feel we are running out of time and we are always behind. For some weird reason we are sooo hard on ourselves. Why though? It is because we set an unrealistic bar for ourselves. Ladies and gentlemen when you love yourself you are patient with yourself, you give yourself grace periods because that is what love is all about. The Bible continues to say love is kind! Are you kind to yourself? When you are kind to yourself you care a lot about your well-being and this includes your mental health, body health and soul health. Being at peace with yourself, having to have forgiven yourself of your past transgressions plays a huge part in showing yourself kindness and maintaining a peace of mind. When you are kind to your body you are conscious about what you eat and drink. You are not easily swept into addictions that affect your health because you genuinely care about yourself. Are you kind to yourself? Feed your glow ladies by eating and drinking right. Take good care of that beautiful temple of yours. Exercise those muscles go for that jog go for that walk with your dog. It’s all an expression of self-love!

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The Bible says love does not envy. Envy envy envy. Being envious kills our sanity especially in this social media era we are more envious than any generation to ever live. Scrolling down on Instagram you see your peers living these lavish lifestyles and you start thinking oh boy I am totally missing out on life. No you are not sis! Stay in your lane and run your own race. The only competition you have is you! Envy kills more dreams than it keeps them alive. You stay in this ever spiralling rut because you feel like you are not doing much with your life. Comparison is the thief of joy and progress. When you love yourself you are not envious of someone else’s life, you are content with yours because you know you are bettering yourself daily. Do not be fooled on social media please most of those people you envy do not even have half of your peace.

The Bible goes on to say love does not boast and it is not proud. Being boastful is not good you end up being arrogant and proud. This results in belittling others and seeing others as unworthy. We are all equal in the eyes of God! It does not matter if you drive a mazarati or have a bicycle. Your worth is the same and you need to know that. When u are in love with yourself your worth does not come from materialistic stuff it comes from within. That of a calm and quiet spirit! You cannot find your value in belittling others, that is not love that is hate. The Bible then says love does not dishonour others. Dishonesty never gets you anywhere especially with yourself. Do you honour yourself by being honest with yourself? We are dishonest with our feelings most of the time. We live in denial and tend to sweep a lot of the things under the carpet. Why though? Because we do not love ourselves. Dishouniring others is also a huge reflection of how you see yourself as an individual. The Bible goes on to say love is not easily angered and it keeps not record of wrongs.

We are angry at ourselves for failing that test, failing that job interview, disappointing our parents, letting our children down. We keep all records of wrong because it is in our nature to crucify ourselves due to our wrong doings. That’s how we are! We are unforgiving by nature. When we do not forgive ourselves it leads to self-sabotage we begin to unconsciously punish ourselves because we feel we deserve to be punished for our past. This is not healthy at all! It leads to attracting negative situations and relationships in our lives that we could have avoided if only we loved ourselves enough to let go of our past mess. This is crucial in building a positive lifestyle and it all begins with forgiveness. Forgive yourself honey. It may not happen overnight but that decision you take to allow yourself to have a second chance at life is a huge step in the right direction. And you will see yourself attracting better situations and people in your dear life. The Bible says love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Are you true to yourself? Most of us aren’t we love being copies of other people because it feels easier to do so. We forget how unique and authentic we are because we do not want be viewed as queer or weird.

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Lastly the Bible emphasizes on what love always does. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, above all love never fails! Let’s start with love always protects. Are you protective with yourself? Do you protect yourself from evil? Do you protect your peace? Do you protect yourself from bad boys? Do you protect yourself from bad friends? All of these answers show if you love yourself unconditionally. Sometimes we forget to protect ourselves from harms way. We walk directly towards danger! Protect yourself guys. Learn to say no often to people and situations that do not benefit you in any way. You are responsible for your own peace of mind protect your heart guard it jealously. It’s all you have! Protect protect protect! Love always trusts. Do you trust yourself? We tend to trust others more than ourselves especially when it comes to happiness. We trust other people to make us happy. It should not be like that, happiness is a choice and it solely belongs to you. Love always hopes. Are you hopeful? Some of us have lost hope in ourselves a long time ago due to our past transgressions. Be hopeful. Have hope in yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe in your abilities! You are a masterpiece my guy! Do not loose hope in the face of adversity be strong and of great character. That is how you show yourself love. Persevere in love, never give up on yourself remember that you are a work in progress. And if you can remember one thing from this blog post remember this LOVE NEVER FAILS! I really hope you got one or two or all of the self-love lessons I shared and be sure to practice it daily and never give up on yourself. Until we chat again remember to love yourself and know that you are number one! Love you guys stay loved!

Show by raising your hands…

It has been a long time since I posted something here, and I want to start by apologizing for robbing you of your joy. The end of 2018 was a handful of events I was in hospital for a minute and things were just all over the place. I thank God I recovered well and now I am able to write again. Enough of the misfortunes of last year right!

As you can tell by the title of this blog a story is about to be devoured. So this article is all about friendships the whole 9 yards. For the longest time since kindergarten I struggled to make close friends because I was known as a “floater” (someone who has many friends across all given borders). I wasn’t necessarily a cool kid but sometimes I hung out with them and other times with the not so cool kids. I was a floater, I liked it because it enabled me to not invest much emotions in friendships. I hardly got hurt because I never spent too much time with one gang. This habit continued in high school and it made so much sense because that’s when the mean girls erupted. It saved me from a lot of girl fights and I never really had a best friend. I was just cool with everyone.

Fast forward to Uni that’s when I met my match lol.I collided into my now best friend when I was in first year. Years went by and we were just cool friends with a lot of side pieces whom we called close friends. In the midst of this grand friendship I met another friend through my ex lover and we vibed. When I got pregnant we still kept in touch and hung out even after my baby was born. To be honest I think my son was the one who made me transcend from being a floater to becoming someone close to somebody. I all of a sudden felt the edge to confide in someone and be close to that person. I was literally there for them in every way possible and I took matters in my own hands and made her my best.

Little did I know the script was flipped because to her I wasn’t that special, well special enough to be her  best friend. My eyes welled up when I had my aha moment that is when I figured I wasn’t that special to her. You know I would make efforts to meet up with her, have dates with her, I mean be a true friend. But she was just reluctant and I was hurt but I had to move on and find greener pastures. The point of this story is for you to be able to relate to my shortcomings.

During the heartbreaking space I was in I found myself getting closer to my now best friend. She was such a pillar of strength at that time and she was such a great role model. She still is! I call her my phenomenal woman my super sister. We met in Uni but we were not that close because of the other people that were in our lives at that time. Fast forward to finishing uni that’s when our stars really collided. Although we are borders apart we make the effort to communicate effectively.

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Super sister a.k.a Bessfffffwwwweend

Ladies and gentlemen let me tell you one good thing that you should never forget. If someone wants to be in your life they will make an effort to be in it regardless of space and time. This applies also in relationships. I will be 26 on Friday and to be honest I genuinely do not have the energy to beg people to stay in my life. If they want to they will show by raising their hands. By raising their hands I simply mean by making an effort to connect with you, see how you are doing, they value your attention, they want to see you win. Lastly they are practically involved in your life and they make you realise how blessed you are not only to have them in your life but also vice versa.

2019 has to be a year that we all level up in all areas of our lives. My favorite saying which says ” show me your friends and I will tell you your character”. This quote is weighty it carries a lot of value because it is a true reflection of who you are as an individual. Let’s make 2019 our best year ever. I love you guys and thank you for your unwavering support and commitment to reading and sharing my blogs. Till next time, stay in the light and be forever woke!

Cursed blessing: A short story

Curse and a blessing
Being beautiful has its pros and cons for sure especially in my case it has seemingly gotten me into more trouble. I am a beautiful African woman who has experienced both worlds of being showered with praise for my rare beauty but also have been cursed by the world for making men of all kinds want to marry me. My beautiful round full lips, my English nose, my thick thighs, my full butt and brown skin are my true blessings that have made me gain so much confidence in the way I present myself to the public. I was raised by my single dad who was extremely protective, he was the first man who told me how beautiful I was and how sometimes it is a curse to the world. I believed him because I did not know any other truth and I became egotistic no one had the power to tell me otherwise. Looking back I should have been more humble and let love lead. As if the universe was punishing me for my beauty I fell in love with a married man who resembled my late father in so many ways.
He was the true duplicate of him but a lot younger than my father of course. I first laid my eyes on him when I was Havana dancing at a local restaurant. He was not wearing a wedding band so I literally sighed for relief. I was enticed by his black tux that looked smoldering hot on him. Yes I love me a man who can dress well and smells mighty fine. He was all the things I looked for in a man successful rich tall handsome and very confident (such a turn on). “I could not help but stare at you sir,” I said confidently. I had to approach this rare breed I was swept away by his charisma. He was chuffed with the way I presented myself to him. “You possess a lot of confidence ma’am and that is very intriguing I must say,” he said smiling at me. This guy had dimples and sparkling eyes that were speaking volumes to me. I was super excited and I could not help but twirl around the table. I decided to leave him wanting me and I excused myself and I went to my car. Guess what? He followed me running breathless as he followed my shadow. He held my shoulder I was secretly smiling inside but my facial expression was that of someone who was startled. “I see you have bad manners, you never got to introduce yourself to me and I would love to take you for dinner sometime,” he said gently holding my left hand. I was super happy inside but my dad taught me better to always play hard to get. “Which is which? Its either I introduce myself or answer if I want to go out with you sometime,” I said with a grin. He had a hearty laugh and laughed so hard saying, “Please answer the latter ma’am,” I took his IPhone 7s that was in his hand of which surprisingly it did not have a password. This was just the universe showing me signs that I had finally found the man of my dreams. I put my number in his phone smiling at his gaze.

To be continued…

Thank you all for  your unwavering support stay tuned for part 2.

When a King dies…

I am terribly sorry for the silence my life has been going in spirals lately. But I am happy to always this I am a survivor and God has been so unbelievably kind to my beautiful soul. I recently lost my beloved father over a month ago. My tears are still running and my heart is still broken. It is all a nightmare to me and in between writing this blog I break down and cry because it hurts and stings at the same time. I honestly don’t know how to deal with grief; I am in an unfamiliar land. I really don’t know how to pick myself up from this place I am not even sure if I want to. My dad was the first man I truly loved and having him around made me feel safe and loved. But now that he is gone my life feels a lot empty with a hiss of great loss. I feel numb lately and I am terrified that this could trigger the anxiety and depression that I once had. I don’t desire whatsoever to go back into that God forsaken pit. I have lost a hero, my hero a true king, my king. He always reminded me of my roots and how beautiful I am. I learnt of my own beauty by seeing it through his amicable eyes.

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He taught me what love is through his actions. He was generous and kind and he sought to see the best in people.  Of course he had his flaws, but who doesn’t?  He was a shaky parent to toddlers but an amazing father to young adults and adults. As they say like fine wine he matured through the years. As I grew older we got closer and closer and our relationship blossomed into a beautiful flower. I really miss my dad I really do. It hurts so bad typing this but hey I have to, simply because you guys are family my family. You have been so unbelievably supportive through my life journey and I am forever grateful. We shared a lot with my dad and that includes our birthday month February we are literally 3 days apart and the cherry on top is that they share the same birthday with my dear son. How fabulous is that? Talk about destiny! Each time I look at my son I smile because I know that he is an extension of my father’s legacy. The passing of my dad has certainly brought us closer as a family. We cry together, we laugh together; we are more united as one big family because he left an indispensable asset called L.O.V.E.

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My prayer now is that we as a family can be able to stick together like glue in good and bad times because that is what families do. Before he died he emphasized on the truthful practice of selflessness and love. He said we should love each other in spite of ourselves. Now I totally understand what they meant when they said, “it’s not what you leave for your children that matters, it’s what you leave in them that matters.” My dad left us gold mines of wisdom that will surpass the end of time and my son is one lucky child to have such a rich mum. The nice part is that you guys can also benefit from this wealthy mother hahaha I always share with you my wisdom nuggets. So now you know one of the main sources of my intelligence. I love you guys I really do and don’t forget to spread the love.  Till we chat again I pray that this grief will make me a way better person even though I am hurting.

Dysfunctional addict…

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He crawls into my bed every night curling his body next to mine accompanied by his heavy breathing
He breathes into my neck gently kissing my ear
The Lord knows that i know that he is not good for me
He is a liar a cheater a dishonest disloyal man
But here i am with my stupid self laying in his bed
Pretending not to care about my own reality

I was addicted to his lying scent it made me high
I wanted it i yearned for all his disloyalty
Every time i found out about his shenanigans it made me lust for him more and more
Yes i was painfully addicted to him
I fooled myself each day walking head held high believing  my foolish mantra that he would change
Foolish me!

Waking up to the reality that men like him don’t change threw me off a cliff
Every time he came home with a bag full of lies i welcomed him with loving arms
No not your conventional love no no
I loved him with my type of love the deceitful kind
I lusted to kill that man i wanted to kill him so bad
Kill him with my words shoot him dead with my confrontations and leave him stone cold dead with my permanent departure
But i never had the courage to leave then because that is what addicts do
Some never find their way back home some do and those that do will realize that home was always you!

Hey beautiful people. I wrote a piece recently called Dysfunctional addict. Enjoy reading it and don’t be afraid to relate to it. Your dysfunctional addiction may be clothed as a situation, a place, a thing or whatever it is. I embodied a human form but it can be anything. Enjoy reading and don’t be afraid to like and share. Love you guys take care!