The day I lost my senses was the day I became aware of my purpose. I was insanely sane but I was triggered to react in a very awful hostile manner to my then lover. He was tall pretty dark chocolaty to be precise and very charming. We dated for a couple of months almost a year. Things were going on great I was even introduced to his important family members and that made me feel wanted. It was at this time that I became comfortable and I had willingly sunk in the comfort zone of his tender black arms. His eyes mesmerized me each and every time I looked at him they had this innocent sparkle that was untraceable. I was in love guys and I was so convinced that he was my husband and we were going to spend eternity together. Fast forward to the day he laid his dirty hands on me. This day still leaves me speechless and in tears because he took what was mine that is my innocence. I was so wrapped in his lies that I could not see them seething behind his treacherous tongue. I bought all of them and I mean all of them all. Looking back now I see that I was so blindfolded by his so called love that I ignored all the warning signs.
On a sunny morning in Kariba during our summer camp he woke up on the wrong side of the sleeping bag and he was unrecognizably moody. I asked him what was wrong and he snapped at me giving me an awkward look of annoyance. Immediately being the stupid in love naïve me I began blaming myself thinking that I had done something wrong. I decided to take a walk in order to give him space to cool down in the back of my head I was recapping the moments that we had last. In my eyes I could not pick anything that I had done wrong I was nothing but a good girlfriend. Good girlfriend my foot that was the shit that got me into trouble. I was too nice too giving too available too needy too everything. He took advantage of this and became a monster that was now concerned in squeezing the life out of me. I walked back to our tent to find him taking a shower alone at the nearby lodge, this troubled me further because we always took showers together. He came back wet dripping water and that made me want to grab him and kiss him. As I reached for him he pushed me to the floor saying that I should not touch him with my filthy hands. I was beyond shook I was traumatized because that push made me bruise my left knee. ‘Kennedy what is the matter?’ I asked squeamishly. ‘You make me sick!’ he shouted.
Now my head was spinning my vision became blurry and my knees started shaking. He looked pale with anger he turned into this monster that I could hardly recognize. I wanted to run really fast but my feet would not move they were just numb and seemingly stuck in the sand. He grabbed me aggressively arm twisting me literally, I screamed for help then he covered my mouth with his drying towel leaving him butt naked. He called me a bitch and slapped the living daylights out of me. He accused me of having an affair with one of my co-workers. He said he had evidence that we were sleeping together. I was now feeling dizzy and I could not process his words in my numb brain. He beat me up so bad that he wanted to bury me in the sand. To this very moment reliving that experience makes me both angry and sad because he could have killed me. I am a survivor of the worst brutality I was innocent of his accusations yet he wanted to kill me. I was not having an affair with a married man that I work with, I was fully committed to Kennedy. But he did not see it he saw a stupid girl who followed him sheepishly and who had no backbone at all.
I later found out that he cheated on me numerous times even with his so called best friend. Finding out all these things stung so much that I sunk into a depressive hole that was filled with drugs and alcohol. He broke my spirit he took my innocence he took everything from me I was left for dead. Yes, I am a survivor and I have scars to prove how I won my battle. Guys gender based violence is real and it can happen inside our homes and outside our very doorstep. How can a man that I loved hurt me so bad physically? Zvinofamba sei? (how does it work). He lied when he said he loved me and would never do anything to hurt me. I became a laughing stock, instead of my close friends helping me they shut their doors in my face. Life became a living nightmare and I was living in the shadows of my own consequences of loving a man who is a coward. I can only speak for myself and never for everyone else. This is my survival story and I am glad I survived it all. It’s now easy for me to sleep at night knowing that my perpetrator is safe and sound behind bars. I thank him for directing me to my purpose of advocating against Gender based Violence (GBV) in a radical way. I feel wholesome when I am standing up for my sisters that have been bruised and abused by these no good for nothing sorry excuse of men. Till we journey again in my next post I love you guys and stay woke.