When a King dies…

I am terribly sorry for the silence my life has been going in spirals lately. But I am happy to always this I am a survivor and God has been so unbelievably kind to my beautiful soul. I recently lost my beloved father over a month ago. My tears are still running and my heart is still broken. It is all a nightmare to me and in between writing this blog I break down and cry because it hurts and stings at the same time. I honestly don’t know how to deal with grief; I am in an unfamiliar land. I really don’t know how to pick myself up from this place I am not even sure if I want to. My dad was the first man I truly loved and having him around made me feel safe and loved. But now that he is gone my life feels a lot empty with a hiss of great loss. I feel numb lately and I am terrified that this could trigger the anxiety and depression that I once had. I don’t desire whatsoever to go back into that God forsaken pit. I have lost a hero, my hero a true king, my king. He always reminded me of my roots and how beautiful I am. I learnt of my own beauty by seeing it through his amicable eyes.

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He taught me what love is through his actions. He was generous and kind and he sought to see the best in people.  Of course he had his flaws, but who doesn’t?  He was a shaky parent to toddlers but an amazing father to young adults and adults. As they say like fine wine he matured through the years. As I grew older we got closer and closer and our relationship blossomed into a beautiful flower. I really miss my dad I really do. It hurts so bad typing this but hey I have to, simply because you guys are family my family. You have been so unbelievably supportive through my life journey and I am forever grateful. We shared a lot with my dad and that includes our birthday month February we are literally 3 days apart and the cherry on top is that they share the same birthday with my dear son. How fabulous is that? Talk about destiny! Each time I look at my son I smile because I know that he is an extension of my father’s legacy. The passing of my dad has certainly brought us closer as a family. We cry together, we laugh together; we are more united as one big family because he left an indispensable asset called L.O.V.E.

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My prayer now is that we as a family can be able to stick together like glue in good and bad times because that is what families do. Before he died he emphasized on the truthful practice of selflessness and love. He said we should love each other in spite of ourselves. Now I totally understand what they meant when they said, “it’s not what you leave for your children that matters, it’s what you leave in them that matters.” My dad left us gold mines of wisdom that will surpass the end of time and my son is one lucky child to have such a rich mum. The nice part is that you guys can also benefit from this wealthy mother hahaha I always share with you my wisdom nuggets. So now you know one of the main sources of my intelligence. I love you guys I really do and don’t forget to spread the love.  Till we chat again I pray that this grief will make me a way better person even though I am hurting.

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